|Abridged Episode #9||
The one where Bakura tries (and fails) to become a main character.
Date: September 08, 2006
Running Time: 5:46
Episode Title: El Juegos De Tarjeta
Everything is in Spanish, with English subtitles
NARRATOR: Previously on the Yu-Gi-Oh...
Bushes behind Tea rustle
JOEY: What is this new devilry?
Bakura appears out of the darkness
YUGI: Behold, it is the Bakura!
JOEY: Hereupon, my fears are alleviated.
TRISTAN: Bakura has been permitted the friendship.
YUGI: You have a Millennium Item unexpectedly!
YAMI BAKURA: Indeed, and with its powers I make my voice sound gruff and sexy.
He takes them all to the Shadow Realm
JOEY: Poor weather conditions?
YUGI: This is an unfortunate turn of events!
YAMI BAKURA: Yes. (This line is spoken as a long string of words in Spanish)
He makes everyone faint with his Millennium Ring
YAMI BAKURA: All your puzzle are belong to me.
He reaches for the Puzzle, but it activates and Yami appears
YAMI: Do not want!
YAMI BAKURA: Oh no! Growth hormones!
YAMI: How dare you tamper with my jewelry, villainous cur!
YAMI BAKURA: The card game of us commences.
YAMI BAKURA: Right after these words from our sponsor.
Yami and Evil Bakura's duel. They are speaking English now.
YAMI BAKURA: Once I gain all seven Millennium Items, I shall use their vaguely established powers to destroy the world! But first, I'm going to beat you in a card game.
YAMI: Not if I can help it, you albino cream puff! I summon the Cyber Commander, which by the way is Tristan's favourite monster, even though he never actually plays this game.
The Cyber Commander is Tristan
TRISTAN (still in his new voice) I'm surprisingly buff!
YAMI: By the gods! That's exactly what I want to look like!
YAMI BAKURA: White Magical Hat! Send his Cyber Commander to the Graveyard!
JOEY (he's the Flame Swordsman): Uh-oh. Have I been cross dressing in my sleep again?
YAMI: It seems that Bakura has somehow placed our souls within each of our favourite cards. Either that, or he's turned you all into cosplayers.
JOEY: That bastard!
YAMI: By the way, Tristan's dead.
JOEY: Oh, not again!
YAMI: I also summon the Dark Magician!
YUGI: (he's the Dark Magician) I look slightly more ridiculous than usual!
YAMI: And now I activate Reborn the Monster! (caption appears: *Monster Reborn) In order to resurrect Tristan's original voice!
TRISTAN: (in his original voice) Hey, what gives? I liked my new voice. People were starting to take me seriously.
YAMI: Sorry Tristan, but it's much easier to make fun of you this way.
JOEY: Wait a second. Why are there two Yugi's?
YUGI: I'm not sure, but sometimes when I'm dueling, it's like I can feel a powerful voice inside my head telling me how to win!
TRISTAN: Does that mean you've been cheating?
YUGI: Well, it's more complicated than that...
JOEY: Sounds like cheatin' to me, Yug.
YUGI: It's not cheating!! It's more like we have a spiritual connection that goes far beyond any-
JOEY: Hey! Big Yugi! Has Little Yugi been cheatin' this whole time?
YUGI: Oh, you guys can all just go straight to hell.
YAMI: Now I'll place Téa in face-down position. I've always wanted to say that!
TÉA: (she's the Magician of Faith) This is just like something out of a bad fanfic!
YUGI (thinking): If only she'd picked the Dark Magician Girl! Mmmm, Dark Magician Girl...
YAMI BAKURA: Good luck overcoming my Man-Eater Bug.
YUGI: One of us has to sacrifice themself in order to kill that monster! I nominate Tristan.
JOEY: Don't worry Tristan, I always wanted to die wearing a dress. (he attacks the Bug and it takes him with it) I regret nothing!
YAMI BAKURA: Soon I'll be the only character left! I've always wanted my own cartoon. I think I'll call it... "Zorc and Pals".
The cartoon begins
NARRATOR: (singing, the words he sings appear on screen)
Who's that crazy kook destroyin' the world?
ZORC: That's me!
NARRATOR: (singing) It's Zorc and Pals!
YAMI BAKURA: Zorc, did you forget our anniversary? Again?
ZORC: Yes, I was too busy destroying the world.
More canned laughter
ZORC: I've slaughtered millions!
Yet more canned laughter
YAMI BAKURA: That's my Zorc!
The blood of the innocent will flow without end!
His name is Zorc and he's destroyin' the world!
YAMI BAKURA: What do you think, Pharaoh?
YAMI: I think you'll be taken off the air faster than you can say "Arrested Development!"
TÉA: That was my favorite show... Why did they have to cancel it? (cries)
YUGI: Téa's tears activated her special ability, making her attack and defense points look completely inaccurate!
YAMI: Yes, and it also allows me to recycle Reborn the Monster! (Caption reads: *Still Monster Reborn)
In the Graveyard
JOEY: Please don't kill me! I have three best friends! Kill them instead!
(He is transferred back to the duel)
YUGI: It's okay Joey, my alter-ego brought you back to life with a Spell Card.
TRISTAN: Just like our Lord Jesus.
YAMI BAKURA: How many times do I have to kill you people before you stay dead? (reveals the Change of Heart card)
YUGI: The Change of Heart! That's Bakura's favourite card!
YAMI BAKURA: Yes, and with it I'm going to turn you into a villain! That way, you'll know what it's like to have your plans foiled time after time by a group of card-game-obsessed morons!
YUGI: Look, it's the real Bakura!
BAKURA: (he's the Change of Heart) I've taken control of this woman's body in order to save you guys. And I don't mind telling you it feels bloody great!
YAMI BAKURA: By the gods, that's exactly what I want to look like!
YAMI: Conveniently, my Millennium Puzzle allows me to put souls back into their original bodies. (he puts Bakura's soul back into his own body, and Evil Bakura's soul into the woman's body)
YAMI BAKURA: How dare you defy me? Just wait until Zorc hears about this!
YAMI: (in Mortal Kombat voice) FINISH HIM!
YUGI: Super Special Awesome Attack!
YAMI BAKURA: Oh, bugger me! (is sent to the Graveyard)
YAMI BAKURA: I shall be a main character! Even if it takes me another two hundred bloody episodes.
The duel is over and all characters return to their own bodies
BAKURA: I say, that plot line made a lot more sense in the original manga.
YUGI: Where did you get your evil ring from, Bakura?
BAKURA: My father bought it while he was in Egypt looking to purchase some blue hair dye.
JOEY: Man, I had the most unbelievable dream. There were two Yugis, and Bakura was a main character!
TÉA: I usually enjoy dreams that involve two Yugis, but that one was very disappointing.
MAI: (from far offscreen) My breasts are in danger!
YUGI: Hey, that sounds like the plot for the next episode! Come on gang, lets go find out what is is! (They all run off and it cuts to a freeze-frame)
TRISTAN: Oh no! The animation budget ran out!
CARTOON NARRATOR: (singing)
Who's that crazy kook destroyin' the world?
ZORC: That's me!
ONSCREEN TEXT: [sorry about that delay]
NARRATOR: (singing) It's Zorc and Pals.
KAIBA: (as Strong Bad) TROGDOR!!!! TROGDOR!!!!
- The episode title is a "Machine Generated" English-Spanish translation for "Card Games", and the opening preview is from the actual Mexican Spanish dub of Yu-Gi-Oh. The actual lines are:
- NARRATOR: En el capítulo anterior... (In the last chapter...)
- JOEY: ¿Qué fué eso? (What was that?)
- YUGI: ¡Es Bakura! (It's Bakura!)
- JOEY: Por un momento pensamos que debíamos preocuparnos. (For a moment I thought we should be worried.)
- BAKURA: Antes de empezar, hay algo que quiero compartir con ustedes. (Before we get started, there's something I want to share with you all.)
- YUGI: ¡No puede ser! ¿Un artículo del Milenio? (It can't be! A Millennium Item?)
- YAMI BAKURA: Sí, y la magía de mi Sortija del Milenio nos lleva al Reino de las Sombras. (Yes, and the magic of my Millennium Ring will take us to the Shadow Realm.)
- JOEY: Vaya, detesto la magía. (Man, I hate magic.)
- YUGI: ¿Por qué haces esto, Bakura? No entiendo. (Why are you doing this, Bakura? I don't understand.)
- YAMI BAKURA: Tienes algo que yo deseo, Yugi, y pienso quitártelo. (You have something I want, Yugi, and I aim to take it from you.)
- YAMI BAKURA: ¡El legendario Rompecabezas del Milenio es mío! (The legendary Millennium Puzzle is mine!)
- YAMI BAKURA: ¡No puede ser! (It can't be!)
- YAMI: Si lo que quieres es mi Rompecabezas del Milenio, entonces tendrás que pelear conmigo. (If what you want is my Millennium Puzzle, then you're going to have to fight/Duel me.)
- YAMI BAKURA: Hay mucho más en riesgo que lo te imaginas, y este es un Juego de la Sombras que no puedes ganar. (There is much more at stake than you realize, and this is one Shadow Game that you cannot win.)
- The line "Do not want!" is a reference to a Chinese bootleg of Revenge of the Sith that subtitled Darth Vader's much-mocked plaintive "NOOOOOO!" as "Do not want" and became an Internet meme.
- "Arrested Development" was a TV series that, despite critical praise and a large fan following, was cancelled due to low ratings.
- Téa's attack and defense points looking "completely inaccurate" is because the 4Kids version placed the Dark Magician's stats on the Magician of Faith during that scene.
- Monster Reborn was known as "Reborn the Monster" in the first 27 episodes of the English Anime
- The line "He was the finest mind of his generation" is a reference to Half-Life 2 where at one point the player witnesses an NPC named Lazlo be killed by a monster and the other NPC accompanying him saying "Dear God! Poor Laszlo! The finest mind of his generation, come to such an end!".