Yu-Gi-Oh: Crapsule Monsters - Episode 1 - Transcript

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Abridged Crapsule Monsters Episode #1

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Cast (in order of appearance):

Date: 4 September 2007

Running Time: 5:12

Episode Title: Cr@psule Monster 1

[edit] Transcript

(In a large fog filled room with pillars in it)

YUGI: (walking) That's weird. Everything feels different somehow, It's almost as though I've fallen into another dimension or something. (sees Yami being held by some dark, mysterious monster) Pharaoh! What's going on?!

YAMI: (being held by monster) It's 4Kids, Yugi. They've unleashed something evil.

YUGI: Hey! Let go of my partner!

4KIDS: He belongs to us now.

YUGI: Who the hell are you?

4KIDS: We are 4Kids, and soon the whole world will know and fear us, even more than they already do. Be sure to visit our website at www.4kids.tv.

YUGI: (in his bed, rolling onto the floor) No! You bastard! (falls) OOF! Geez. For a second there I thought I was stuck in a crappy spin-off show.

(title sequence, music is 'Get Down Tonight'.)

YUGI: (walking, humming "We're All in This Together" from High School Musical, stops in front of the game shop which has a closed sign on it.) Hm? That's weird. Grandpa hasn't come home yet.

Flashback

GRANDPA: (tying his shoe) I'm going on a secret expedition.

YUGI: But what about the game shop?

GRANDPA: Oh, you can take care of that, can't you?

YUGI: But who's going to take care of me? I don't have any onscreen parents. I'll be all alone.

GRANDPA: (with his finger in the air and winking) Seeeecret expeditiooooon.

(End flashback)

YUGI: (thinking) Why did I even bother rescuing him from Pegasus?

ON SCREEN TEXT:[omg spoilers!!!]

(At school, Yugi is playing a game with Téa)

TÉA: Hey, Yugi, this board game kinda reminds me of Duel Monsters!

YUGI: Duel Monsters? What's that?

TÉA: You know, the card game.

YUGI: I'm not following you.

TÉA: Duel Monsters. The card game. You play it all the time.

YUGI: Sorry Téa, I don't know what you're talking about. But this Capsule Monsters game is super-special awesome. Kids should definitely ask their parents to buy it for them.

TÉA: I don't even know you anymore.

TRISTAN: (off-screen) What's crackin' homies? (now appears on screen)

YUGI: Tristan!

ON SCREEN TEXT: [applause] sound of canned applause similar to that from sitcoms

TÉA: Hey, Tristan, you remember Duel Monsters, right?

TRISTAN: (holding a game piece up to his face) Capsule Monsters...must...play...Capsule Monsters.

JOEY: (running into the classroom, tickets in hand) Guess what guys! I just conveniently won four tickets to India!

TRISTAN: What a shocking and unexpected turn of events!

TÉA: Let's ditch school and go there right now. I'm sure our parents won't mind.

(outside, walking)

JOEY: (raising his legs at ridiculous levels, while walking, even while Tristan speaks) Eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh.

TRISTAN: I can't wait till we get to India. I wanna meet Pocahontas.

JOEY: Yeah! And all her little woodland friends!

YUGI: Um, guys, I don't think Pocahontas was-

JOEY and TRISTAN: (singing) Can you paint with all the colors of the wiiiiind...

YUGI: It sure is exciting having our very own spin-off show. Do you suppose we'll run into Bakura?

TÉA: Nope.

YUGI: Kaiba?

TÉA: Nope.

YUGI: Mokuba?

TÉA: Nope.

YUGI: Duke Devlin?

TÉA: Nope.

YUGI: Marik?

TÉA: Nope.

YUGI: So, are we the only characters on this show?

TÉA: Well, Shadi shows up later on.

YUGI: (without any emotion whatsoever) Oh great. Shadi. I'm excited.

(At the airport)

JOEY: (off-screen) Eh, eh, wait up you guys! [on screen] (panting)

TÉA: Quit lagging behind, Joey.

JOEY: I think I dislocated my back.

TÉA: (smiling) Tee-hee-hee! Joey's stupidity is an endless source of amusement.

THE PILOT: (very effeminate sounding) You must be our lucky prize winners. Just follow meeeeeeee.

TRISTAN: (much louder than necessary) I think the pilot is gay!

YUGI: Oh you don't know that.

THE PILOT: (in a sing-song voice) Aaaall aboooooaaaaaaaard!

(Shot of a plane)

THE PILOT: [voiced over] Thank you for flying with Camp Airlines. If you look outside you'll see some FABulous trees!

TÉA: This must be what God feels like!

YUGI: Hey, Téa, wanna join the 'Mile High Club'?

THEPILOT: Oopsie! (screen starts shaking)

TRISTAN: Hey, what gives?

THE PILOT: I'm afraid we're going to crash. This is so not faaaaabulooous! (Ride of the Valkyries plays, then a large explosive sound)

(shot of them sitting on the island)

TRISTAN: I am frustrated by the fact that our plane crashed.

TÉA: Bad news, guys, the pilot's dead.

JOEY: This is a perfect opportunity for a 'Lost' reference.

TRISTAN: No, we're not doing that.

JOEY: Oh, come on. Don't tell me what I can't do.

TRISTAN: Oh, okay. Maybe just this once.

(They're walking through woods)

JOEY: Let's go find the smoke monster!

TÉA: Hey, this is kinda like being back on Pegasus' island.

JOEY: (looking back, grinning) Who?

(Seeing someone collapsed on the ground, running over)

TRISTAN: Look! It's an Indian!

YUGI: Tristan, that's not an Indian.

TRISTAN: You're right, I'm sorry. I meant to say 'Native American'.

ALEX: (completely white) Thank you for rescuing me. My name is doctor Alex Brisbane. I'm definitely not a villain. Yugi's grandfather and I were on a secret expedition. But then Yugi's grandfather went missing unexpectedly. Did I mention I'm not a villain?

(picture of a large pyramid with two smaller pyramids on one side of it)

TÉA: (off-screen) For some reason, that pyramid reminds me of Mai Valentine.

JOEY: (off-screen) Who?

(walking on a path)

ALEX: This pyramid was built by Alexander the Great, he conquered most of the known world. And then hundreds of years later, Oliver Stone made a crappy movie about him with Colin Farrel and Rosario Dawson's breasts.

TÉA: What a fascinating story.

ALEX: You're saying I'm a villain, aren't you? Admit it!

(They are climbing across a cavern using an indentation on the wall, and moving their hands along it while their bodies hang loosely)

JOEY: This is just like playing Tomb Raider! Except it's actually fun.

(In a dark room with a map that looks like the Capsule Monster's playing field)

ALEX: This room is where your grandfather disappeared.

YUGI: Wow, look at the floor. It's covered with some sort of map. It looks...familiar somehow.

TÉA: Yeah, it's just like the dueling fields in Duel Monsters.

TRISTAN: What is this 'Duel Monsters' you speak of?

JOEY: I bet Pocahontas kidnapped Yugi's Grandpa! Don't worry, Gramps! I'll save you! (runs over and steps on the map, the piece that he steps on, glowing brightly, sucking him in) Uh-oh. Nyeeeeah!

TRISTAN: OH NO! Pocahontas got Joey, too!

TÉA: That bitch!

YUGI: I don't know about you guys, but I'm sick of rescuing people. Let's just pretend this never happened.

ALEX: You can't mean you're about to step on that map!

YUGI: No, I was just going to leave.

ALEX: So you're stepping on the map, then?

YUGI: No. I'm leaving.

ALEX: Step on the map.

YUGI: Make me!

ALEX: Oh, come on. I'll be your friend.

YUGI: Look, there's no way I'm stepping on any freaking map.

ALEX: What if I told you there was candy inside the map?

YUGI: You've got to be kidding me. I'd have to be an idiot to fall for-

TÉA: Hey, candy, that sounds pretty good.

TRISTAN: Yes! Let's go get the candy.

(They both grab Yugi, jumping onto the map, the same glowy dissolve thing happens)

YUGI: No! Don't listen to him; it's a trick! How DARE you defy me?!

ALEX: (in a much gruffer voice, reminiscent of Bakura and Yami Bakura) I knew he'd step on the map. My evil plan is going perfectly. But I'm definitely not a villain.

ON SCREEN TEXT: [to be continued...]